In a series of experiments, researchers at Leeds University found successful leaders placed themselves at the edge of a crowd rather than in the middle. Biologist Jolyon Faria said: “The most effective leaders remained on the edges of the group and attempted to lead from the front. You would think leaders in the centre should interact more often with others and therefore be more effective but this was not the case.”
This research speaks to one of the keys paradoxes of leadership – being part of AND apart from the group. The role of leading is one that invites being at odds with popular opinion and convention. There is risk inherit in leading. Being part of the group creates trust and familiarity. Being apart from the group creates objectivity. Leading is a role that demands continuous decision making. Having people’s trust and maintaining an edge of objectivity are requisite elements of good decision making.
The front of the group is the edge of the group. If you are leading and you find yourself right in the middle of the group – socially, ideologically, and relationally – know that your ability to lead is compromised. It is compromised because you are struggling to balance interdependence with independence. Leaders depend on their people, they must also find that aspect of them that is independent of their people. While it is inspiring to look up and see our leaders heading the charge toward the vision, it is also critical that leaders can break away from the group, from the task, and ensure that the best decision, not only the most popular decision is being made.
Tags: leadership
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Our market economy, consumer mentality and networked apetite has led us to believe that we are only as good as the objects and connections we are able to collect about us. Our value, we believe, is measured directly by our assets and by our “friends” in our networks. We have come to judge ourselves by possessions – both material and virtually social.
The pressure to be famous, to be recognized, to be ‘somebody’ is immense. YouTube, Facebook and their circle of portals now afford us all an opportunity to gain the kind of recognition only bona fide celebrities once garnered. We live in the transient society of mainstream America; we move for jobs, for opportunity, for university, for love. A central and abiding physical connection is hard to come by any more. We have become largely detached from a feeling of physical community and all that it means: communication, commonality, communing. The effect of moving and relocating and coming and going has tweaked the human impulse to connect. Transitory lives become invisible, anonymous, unheard and unseen. Yet the natural impulse that Abraham Maslow coined as the need for recognition and esteem is impossible to quench in the isolated social landscape or modernity.
Online communities offer us venues to act more desperately and more passionately to be known, to be witnessed, and to get attention – to ‘become somebody.’ This sets up a lifelong chase after ego. A pursuit of self-definition and aggrandizement that absorbs the environment like a black hole that only drinks in and never shares back. What is the role of leaders in this reality? How should leaders grow brighter as “somebodys?” Should leaders promote their followers to become “somebody?”
I believe that effective leaders help their people be known by knowing them. People don’t have to desperately stab their attention starved fingers at anonymous worlds of the Internet. Smart leaders spend time understanding their people and recognizing them. And recognition is an art that goes far beyond bonuses and certificates. Recognition arises from taking the time, focus, and will to decipher the individual code of people’s strengths, values, and talents. Smart leaders know how to assign their people tasks, roles, and opportunities that reflect each person’s unique contribution.
The hunger for recognition cannot be sated by the fruit of flimsy famousness, but by the meat of genuine understanding.
Tags: leadership
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“bad news” was the subject line on my Blackberry yesterday. It was from Toni, not known for being dramatic or bombastic. I had just picked up family at the airport and we were getting out of the car at their hotel to go swimming when I checked my email. I didn’t want to open the email. I didn’t want bad news. “I hate to be emailing you about this – it is horrible news. Louis was shot dead a few hours ago!”
Louis and Toni and I banded together to survive high school more than a quarter century ago. We’ve remained close friends even as we’ve moved continents, started businesses, got Ph.D’s and had children. The shock and sadness that filled me at reading that line were deep and unexpected. Someone broke into his house, Louis confronted the burglar and was shot dead. Dead. He is no more. His wife will never again cuddle with him. His one year old son will grow up not experiencing his dad. Louis was fun and funny, smart, and kind. He spent his life demonstrating what it looks like to be unselfish.
My daughters tried to console me in my obvious sadness and distress. But after a short while they needed to be consoled from the anxiousness and distress they felt at the hand of death so close to our hearts. We live and work under the comforting illusion of safety and control. We gripe about our inconveniences and discomforts as though they are important. I’m sad for Louis and his family. I’m sad. I mourn his loss. I mourn my broken illusion of safety.
It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Cheers, Lou. Ride well and bon voyage. I love and miss you!
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I watched the movie “Inception” last night. The movie is an exciting action thriller that questions whether we are living or dreaming our life. The idea that life, the universe and everything in it could be an illusion is an ancient debate from Eastern mystics to Western philosophers.
Chuang Tzu, the Chinese philosopher, who died in 295BC, wondered whether his entire life might be no more than a dream. The 17th century French philosopher, René Descartes, pondered that exact question. Ultimately and famously he concluded in favor of reality, claiming, “I think, therefore I am. Bertrand Russell, the British Philosopher and Mathematician suggested that people are merely “brains in a jar” being stimulated by chemicals or electrical currents — an idea that was adopted and developed by science fiction writers and makers of such movie as The Matrix, and Inception.
What I found interesting about the movie was the notion that ideas can be stolen from people while they dream. Also, ideas could be inserted into people’s minds while they dreamed. The stolen information can be used in the waking world even as the implanted ideas affect decision making in the waking world. The dream weavers had influence over the dreamers sleeping and waking experience. I believe that leaders of teams, organizations, and nations have a chance to be dream weavers.
Setting a compelling vision is an art of dreaming. Dreaming conjures up possibilities and experiences that have not been experienced yet or in this particular way. Visionary leaders have the ability to weave a dream so compelling as to invite others to step forward and participate in it. Visionary leaders illustrate a dream so inviting that followers make a leap of faith toward that new reality.
watching “Inception” reminded me that leaders weave dreams by:
Woodrow Wilson said so beautifully: “We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.
What are you dreaming?
Tags: leadership maturity
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When I got married I had a high ideal of honesty – we should tell each other what we’re thinking and feeling in real time as truthfully as we can. It works. 12 years later we’re still holding true to the ideal. Some modifications, though, have come to light over the years of practice. Turns out that honesty is not enough to make a strong relationship work. Timing is as critical as honesty. And, a sincere apology goes a long way.
I’ve come to believe that timing is as powerful as honesty. While I can express something that’s honest and even true for me, saying it at the right time can make the difference between my wife hearing it, ignoring it, or feeling hurt by it. Let’s say we’re having an argument and I’m angry and combative. Sharing my dark and competitive feelings with her in that moment may feel good, but in the long term will damage our trust and openness.
When I falter in either honesty or timing, I’ve learned to sincerely apologize when I figure out my screw up. A heart felt apology does three things: it is an admission of mistake and the awareness of making a mistake, it shows a willingness to change, and it sends a powerful communication about the importance of the relationship.
Leading is a relationship intensive experience. Honesty, timing, and appropriate apologies are as critical in effective leadership as they are in my marriage. Unfortunately, many leaders view apologizing as a sign of weakness rather than an act of intimacy. Apologizing, to some leaders, feels like an admission of weakness, guilt, or fallibility. Guess what… we’re human, which means that weakness, guild, and fallibility are par for the course. Immature leaders mistakenly believe that respect and followership are encouraged by acting like a superhero – all powerful and mistake free. Mature leaders know that they make mistakes, in spite of their best efforts. Mature leaders know that apologies are one of the maintenance activities of relationship.
Practice saying “sorry” when appropriate. Feel the tightness in your throat and the turning in your gut when you sincerely apologize for falling short. Don’t be fooled and seduced by the idea of being infallible – without mistake or error. Experiment with sincere apologies and see for yourself if your stock ultimately goes up or down. I’m betting it goes up.
Tags: emotional maturity, leadership maturity
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This has nothing to do with soccer! This is about my failure as a super hero. I’m an intentional guy and being goal focused is my normal MO. I recall being goal focused back in high school already. In fact, I used to believe that when I held my vision clearly enough and my actions consistent enough, I could bring to reality any of my significant goals. The good news is, I’m mostly right.
I have been able to accomplish my significant, and sometimes immensely challenging, goals. But there is a point about which I was not right. My belief in my powers to “create my goals” was moving in the direction of having super powers. The super power I believed I had was “will power.” By strength of will I was bending the world to my vision and making it become what I conceived. (actually, this is not all wrong, just partial).
Some of my success is attributed to influencing and changing people, situations, and relationships around me. Much of my success lies in my willingness to change. A significant goal that is worth achieving is worth changing for. My goals have shaped me as much as I have shaped events. My focus has grown me as much as I have cultivated opportunities and situations.
Goal focus demands decisions and choices. One of the powerful decisions facing success in your goal attainment is this – are you willing to be a changed person for this goal?
Tags: coaching, emotional maturity
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When I started my consulting work in ‘98 I really wanted people to know how passionate and informed I was about leadership development. I wrote articles that were well received, I gave presentations and speeches that had people excited – they wanted to know if I’ve written a book. So why, I wondered in pain, in spite of all the great feedback from my various presentations were so few leaders hiring me to consult and coach with them?
What was I doing that had people impressed by me, but not willing to hire me? What signal was I giving? I was desperate for paid work. My wife was pregnant, our mortgage was a reality, and we wanted to have my income support us so she could stay home to raise our (soon to come) children. If I was so darn brilliant, where were the paying clients???
My dilemma was similar to some leaders in organizations. They are well liked, well spoken, bright in their understanding of their function, but their people aren’t following them with their full heart; they have teams that are not fully engaged with their leaders. What do these bright, well spoken leaders do that keeps their teams disengaged and their followers not fully committed?
Here was my problem: I was too busy trying to be acceptable. I was spending energy and effort attempting to convince people of how bright and knowledgeable I was. I was insecure and hoping that if people liked me they would hire me. What leaked through my efforts was a focus on me, not on my clients and prospective clients. I had to make an enourmous switch from focusing on me and my needs to focusing on them and their needs.
I switched my focus from acceptable to accessible. I moved from getting them to like me to getting them to where they needed to go. My efforts went to help them achieve their results, and not get them to validate me. There is leadership power in this. Leaders who spend less time validating their own worth and more time helping their people achieve meaningful results are willingly followed. Leaders who listen better than they talk understand their people. Leaders who understand their people get high engagement.
Next time you feel you are bright and articulate, but wondering why not enough people are willingly following you, stop and examine if you’re listening for understanding. Focus less on being acceptable and more on helping them access their own truth and achieve meaningful outcomes.
Tags: emotional maturity, leadership maturity
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The power of Twitter and Facebook are not only in technology; their power is in biology and psychology. We are pack animals by biology. We are individual thinkers/choice makers by psychology. My children are an example. They regularly vacillate between their biological desire for connection and love and their psychological drive for autonomy and independence. They check in to make sure I love and accept them, as I did with my parents. And they push the limits of what they can do on their own, as I did with my parents. As adults, we crave the power to make choices from our unique thoughts and tastes – this is out drive for autonomy and independence. At the same time we wish for love and affection and a strong sense of participation – this is our drive for connection and love.
The electric magnetism of social media is energized by the rare combination of independence and autonomy on the one hand and connection and affection on the other hand. Social media is a communication among “friends.” While many of these folks are strangers to one another in a physical reality, they share a sense of familiarity. Friends are social relationships that fulfill the need for affection and connection. The social media also invites a place for safe expression; an uncensored environment in which we can shout out our opinions and wishes. This is a place where our independence can be celebrated, not squashed.
The twin, and oft competing, forces of autonomy and connection shape much of our decisions and choices. Leaders who understand how to comply with these forces find a clear path toward team engagement. Within the boundaries of your team and rules, find ways to grant autonomy – encourage independent thinking, allow for cubicle customization, invite opinions and suggestions, build in unstructured time for your folks to work on self determined priorities. At the same time, fan the embers of connection into a genuine flame of engagement. Create safe systems for people to work together, quickly and clearly respond to conflict, publicly recognize people doing things right, break up cliques by shuffling project teams around.
Perhaps most importantly, keep your eye open to the perpetual hunger for autonomy and connectedness. More effective than any prescription or trick is awareness. If you are a leader, think of yourself as a Facebook server – provide opportunities for your people to express themselves and to grow their list of Friends. When you become a leader who serves these twin forces at work, you will grow in respect, appreciation, and effectiveness.
Tags: coaching, leadership
Posted in Leadership Thinking | 3 Comments »
A senior VP in an organization asked me if I would coach one of his Directors. The Director has spent five years in her position and now is being offered coaching as a way to improve her leadership skills. In over a decade of coaching I have learned to sniff out good coaching candidates, and everything in me signaled this is not a strong candidate.
This Director is bright but inattentive to details, she is ambitious politically savvy but not attuned to strong relationships, and she is strategic but easily plays favorites in her department. She has great strengths for the job, and great liabilities in her leadership. I don’t believe coaching is her best resource. I believe she needs real counseling and disciplining from the CEO. And I told the VP as much.
My experience is that a company – for profit, non-profit, or public agency – is NOT a democracy. Rules clearly emanate from the senior leaders. Direction is dictated by the executives. Consequences and rewards are meted out by senior executives. People of good ideas cannot simply implement their will by voting them into action. Along with power and authority executives of organizations are the chief stewards of the Culture.
Culture is the energy of an organization. Culture is the spirit of a company. Culture is the language, rituals, stories, and attitudes of the people who work together. And while each person in the organization contributes to the culture, the executives in general and CEO in particular contribute the most.
What emerged in the conversation is not that the Director receive leadership coaching. What emerged is that the CEO and the other executives participate in coaching. And why should they be coached? Not because they are not brilliant in their jobs, but because they are the stewards of the culture. The culture influences how and what work gets done. When the executives make better decisions, the entire organization improves. Period.
Tags: leadership
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Karen was heading toward being another statistic of troubled youth gone astray. She was 17, living in the projects, her mom passed away, her dad was drunk and abusive, thick tattoos identified her with a local gang, and the police had a growing file of her offenses. She was not creating her future; she was defaulting into one.
Fortunately, after a long year in prison and several efforts to rehabilitate herself, she met a mentor. At age 24 she learned what to do and how to apply herself. 12 years later, Karen is an effective and successful psychologist, a mother of two and happily married, and a leader in her community.
Karen learned to be deliberate about using her mind. “A thought is a thing, you are what you think, and you become what you think about most.” Our relationships, job, and leadership are influenced by the beliefs that we hold to be true. These beliefs generate thoughts, which in turn determine words and actions. Our behavior and words influence our relationships and environment, which in turn, reflect our beliefs back to us.
Here are four principles Karen shared that helped her turn her life around.
Create a vision for yourself: Einstein said, “imagination is more powerful than knowledge.” If you imagine your boss upset with you, you become sad and concerned. If you imagine a presentation going well, your confidence grows. Create a clear, detailed, and compelling vision of the future, then break it down to specific and measurable goals. Goals provide guidelines for action and a system for prioritizing.
Karen swears that goals help her choose her words, behavior, and use of resources.
Befriend discipline: Great leaders are the product of practice and consistency, just as great athletes are trained to be great. Persistence and perseverance are fundamental elements in creating a future. Even the greatest goal is only as good as the determination to adhere to it. Discipline is simply the decision to stay on the course defined by your goals.
Creating the future requires attention, focus, and perseverance – the cornerstones of discipline. Whether the goal is to create a new culture or improve profitability, consistency of purpose and action must be applied to bring the goal from concept to reality.
Tap your courage: Ambrose Redmoon wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Karen shared that vision and goals produce change, which produces anxiety and fear.
Karen grappled with fear- of failure, separating from her comfort zone, losing her friends. Courage is the ability to face fear, acknowledge it, and be willing to take risk. She took small leaps of faith and challenges small fears on her way to a new life.
Step back for perspective: When we can’t see the forest for the trees, we get trapped in the details of planning and doing. One of the obstacles to creating a future is the tendency to operate on autopilot. With the excessive demands of work and home, it is easy to fall into a pattern of habitual behavior.
Reflection is an objective evaluation of conditions, choices, and behavior. Karen regularly breaks from the momentum of doing. She gains from objective reflection with coworkers, coaches, and peers.
Karen radically changed her future. As great leaders know the future emerges from choices in the present moment. Karen claims that even when plans are changed and obstacles arise, vision, discipline, courage, and perspective are her tools for creating her future.
Tags: emotional maturity
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